Health and Safety video for AkzoNobel

Casting Directors: Crocodile Casting

Question: How long does it take to travel to just east of Amsterdam from Hawkhurst? (Before beginning your answer, please bear in mind that the itinerary includes three trains to Luton airport, a flight with Not-Particularly-EasyJet (who mislaid my plane in Belfast), the Schiphol Airport computer which sealed all its own terminal’s doors  … and a desolate, Dutch railway station whose tall glass barriers declined to let me out.)

Answer: Nine and half hours. I could have paddled there in a bloody coracle in less time. (And I can.)

And then a day running about a deserted factory being run over, falling down stairs and plummeting from high balconies onto concrete. Actually the stunt man did all that whilst I did the talking. The good news is that a) I was attended and buffed up by a delightful and understanding crew and b) I could wear a green hard hat, bowtie and goggles. (My own bow-tie purchased in Tenterden, please note.)